You can't tell me what to do you're not my real mum.

Now i've blogged before about being mumsy, and indeed about playing mum to my little brother. 9 year age gap etc etc.

Normally, it doesn't bother me, or if it has I find it amusing; but this week i've been left in charge for a whole week. Thats a whole week of school runs and cubs and dinner money and making dinners, washing up, washing clothes, cleaning the bathroom, running the hoover, segmenting your day into school runs, looking for clean jumpers, mumbling at stains, the list goes on.

Now it's not that i'm overly bothered. Living alone I wash up, wash clothes, make dinner, hoover, clean the bathroom, mumble at the cupboards etcetera. But I don't have to be mum. If I want to leave the washing up in the sink and go to the pub I can. In short, i'm missing the freedom.

Coming home has been a massive step back for me, yes it's the most logical thing in a world where the job centre are so loathe to give me any fucking money I can't afford to live in Cardiff for fear of starvation; but I don't appreciate simply going back to being an unpaid nanny. I'm sure Dad must have coped perfectly fine the last 9 months where I wasn't here? And yet I still had a text whilst I was out the other day asking if I couldn't come home a bit earlier so he could go to his girlfriends.

I'll admit I took far too much vindictive pleasure in saying no. I had plans. I was going to a gig and was booked in on the late train back. Hah.

Which is silly really isn't it? He's my little brother, babysitting is part and parcel, and yet it would just be nice to feel appreciated for it.

I'm not staying here if I can help it, I don't care what Dad says, i'm moving to London and getting a job because i'm not mum. I'm 19. I should be off, doing stupid things and drinking too much sometimes and not having to get home in time to pick the kids up from school.

I wouldn't mind if it was a job. If I was a paid au pair and it was someone elses kids but i'm not! And that's what's getting to me. I'm not a mum, nor a fucking nanny, i'm just living here as a fellow member of the household who has her own social life and things to be getting on with.

In short.

I'm not mum.